Flailing or Perspective?

A couple of weeks ago, in one of my advanced yoga classes, we were practicing headstands. I've written before, I think, on headstand prep poses. Essentially, you begin in downward-facing dog pose and lower your forearms to the floor, clasping your hands together. Thus, your feet are about a few feet from your forearms, and your head is moving forward a bit. Your hands being clasped creates a sort of triangle. You place the crown of your head in that triangle before slowing walking your feet toward your arms. As your feet get closer, you begin to walk on your toes. Finally, you start bringing your knees in toward your body. This had been as far as I'd gotten so far.

My instructor had said, time and time again, you'll know when you're ready. Your feet will just come of the ground, lifting from your core.

And they did.

I was amazed. I quietly said, "Lea Ann," calling my instructor over to me. She exclaimed, "That's it!" and came over to my mat. She spotted my back, giving me the slightest support. (She prefers we not practice headstand prep against the wall---relying too much, then, on the wall and not our core for support.)

And then my feet were back down. But I was so excited!

I kept trying. By then, my instructor had moved to spot someone else, and my feet popped back up off the floor. I did as I should have, and I pulled them in toward my body. Then I felt my body lean the wrong direction.

And I was afraid.

In hindsight (ah, hindsight), I should have tucked my chin and rolled forward---something I'd done plenty of as a child in gymnastics. But instead, I, well, I freaked out. :-) (I have qiute a history with falling, after all!)

I suppose I was trying to fling my body back the direction it had come from. In doing so, I let out a loud yelp and, from my fellow yogis' reports, ran with my feet in mid air, flailing my feet around. Finally, I leaned toward the left, and actually landed on my feet.

My instructor at first (and she even used this as a story in our next class---with my permission) thought that I had tried too soon to straighten my legs. No, I was plenty happy to be in the state where I was, with my feet off the ground and my knees pulled in. I was simply falling.

But that's okay. I know now the support to ask for (not support on my back, but just someone to be there in case I do fall forward). I also now have a plan of what to do if again I have my feet up and begin to fall forward (tuck and roll!).

And isn't that the thing with learning new things, pushing ourselves, deepening our confidence in ourselves and our bodies--having a plan for when those challenges bring surprises? I think so. I'm once again finding myself happily content with how much I learn about life and my approach to it through my yoga practice. At first I was flailing, but that gave me perspective. And I really could have written that about my headstand or things deeper and more personal to me.

And one day, I also have confidence that I'll find the strength I need in that final prepatory pose, and my feet will glide straight up into the air.