Thirty Days

thirty days in the hole

sing it with me: Thirty days in the hole....

No---of course not the same sort of "thirty days" and not at all the same "hole" as Humble Pie spoke of in the classic song. But it still feels like what I'm facing is thirty days in a deep dark hole.

My thirty days---it's thirty days until the big dance in DC. And my dance card is way too empty. Yikes. I'm nauseated. A lot.

I keep telling myself that no matter what, it's okay. After all, I'm licensed to practice in TX, my job here ends by mid-May, and I'm paid through then end of August. And the savings from selling my house could pay for my move back to TX to practice and not teach. In a lot of ways, I have a cushion.

But---dare I actually reveal my true desire to someone other than my dog and cat? Okay. Here goes: I want to teach. I love teaching. First, yes, I love teaching. But I also really want to write more. Granted, for me, my priority has to be to my students. But next in line---I want to write. Why? In writing, I learn. And I love to learn. I hope that I can also contribute to others in my writing. But for now, I feel so new in that process . . . . But I really do want to teach. And right now, I don't have the odds on my side to get that job for next year. Breathe.....

Breathe . . . . . .


Still. When my belly dance instructor told me last night that one thing we do in belly dancing is to always engage our upper back muscles--was she kidding??!!?? Each upper back and neck muscle I have has been tensed for the last four weeks! As if I need to work to hold those muscles tight. (granted, I did have to learn the correct hand hold---it's called "always show the ring." Love it.)

Anyway, so here I sit, thirty days from the dance without enough dances planned. I spent all day Sunday targeting places with CVs, so hopefully I'll start to hear from more folks next week.

In the meantime, I don't expect a lot of great nights of sleep. And I expect those upper back and neck muscles will continue to tense.

Ah----thirty days in the hole.